Ponderings

If you had asked me say,...three weeks ago, where home is, my answer would have been Yellowknife. Very simply, no questions asked. Yellowknife is where I as born. It's where I grew up. It's where I lost my first tooth and got my first pet. It's where I live. It's where my grandparents live. Very plainly, it is my home.

And then I left it. And this time, I didn't cry. "I'll be back" the words echoed in my thoughts as I waved goodbye to my mom and blew a kiss out the window. There was no need to be sad. No need to mourn. So I smiled instead. And we drove. And my excitement seemed to grow with each mile. And dreams of the adventures I would have filled my mind. And I was happy. And content.

'And so the days went on as they tend to do, and the evening dusk turned to morning dew, and a young girl smiled, and a young girl flew, and she loved her adventures and she loved the new.'

We arrived in Vernon, and I saw my grandmother again. And with her my Great Grandmother, and I felt blessed. And before I knew it, we were off again. Off to the West Coast. Off to cousins and family. And again, my soul was overflowed with the feeling of hope and excitement. With adventures untold.

And we found our way, we found their house. We loved and were loved. And I was content. And I learned more and had more adventures.

We floated down a river together, swept away by the currents pull. My cousin, Brinn and i. And i thought I might die and the water was so strong, so much STRONGER than I. But the terror was joy and and gasps turned to laughter. And we made it. And we smiled.

And we went to the school. Though classes had yet to begin. And my Auntie talked and my cousins played. But one, second eldest in that family, Elke. She and I, we talked and we threw rocks. And we went to the field and there was the great tree. The beautiful tree. And the mountains in the far distance. And the wind was gentle and strong. And the branches lazily shook. And the sun shone upon us. And we smiled and we ran. And we leapt and we flew and we caught the falling leaves. And we laughed so hard. And we yelled and we whispered and we gasped for breath and we inhaled the last few hints of summer, riding amoung the autumn leaves. And the leaves were like dreams, I pondered. And we were just two simple souls. One older, one younger, but the same. And we chased our dreams all over the field. Laughing at the way the wind caressed our loose hair. Exclaiming when we caught our so coveted dream. And the wind would stop and the tree stand still. And we just stood. At the foot of the tree. And we watched. Sometimes seconds passed, sometimes minutes. But it didn't matter because we were together. And i thought, how peculiar. Isn't this what life is? All of us, young and old. Strong and weak. Fast and slow. Standing together, at the base of a grand tree. Waiting for our dreams to fall so we might chase them. And we don't catch them all, and some are out of our reach. But still we chase, and if one escapes, we stand and await another. And the seconds are like days and the minutes like years, but we are all doing the same thing. We stand. We watch. Some leaves fall and we may glance at them, but we know our dreams. And when we see them we run. And when we catch them we rejoice. Much like me and my dear cousin did. Laughing and shouting and leaping for joy.

Even still, there were the days spent with my Aunt. And I've lived with them before, but this was different. Because i am older. And I understand more. And so i sat up with my aunt and my uncle, and we watched movies. And ate popcorn. And me and my Auntie would talk. And I truly found someone so like me. I don't know how many times she heard me say "i'm like that too!" but she was so good to me. And we laughed together and she never treated me like I was too young to hear things unless I was. And in those instances she would say "sweetie, it's just not something your sweet 15 year old self should hear" and I understood and I was slightly relieved. For to me, knowledge is wonderful and wisdom strength, but sometimes I ask things and I don't really want to hear the answer. But she knew what I didn't need to know, and what I could, and she was mindful of me but in such a loving way that I knew her intentions were for my good, and I didn't press for reasons.

My Auntie is fun. We made plans to skinny dipp together and although we didn't, it's just because of circumstances that arose and not because we didn't mean it when we made plans. My parting words to her were "well we didn't go skinny dipping so I guess we'd better just do it next time." and we laughed and it's our secret plan that I know we'll make happen sometime.

Being with her, and getting to know her and discovering how alike we are just made saying goodbye that much more difficult. And that time I did cry. Because this is family. Family far away, but family nonetheless. And I cried because we are SO far away. And I still cry because I miss them. And she says she cannot go into my room there yet. And it makes my heart hurt that she's hurting like me. And it's like within a few weeks I found people to love unconditionally that love me just as much. And it's so surreal. And it hurts.

And now I'm going home. Far away. So far. Farther. And I don't want to. But I do. I want to go home. But I want to go back. Because now, that's my home too.