music, vintage and a cup of tea

"shivering in the atmosphere of a haunting melody, with the lights out and the blinds open revealing a black winters night. that's where i feel most alive. its like my soul is lifted on the strains of the song and carried out into the universe. and in those moments i just feel."

I would like to bring to your attention, this song;

Listen. Just do it. No excuses. 

I've discovered a new love for Autumn. The colors, scents riding on the breeze, hints of winter and fragments of summer mixed together. I love it. 

I would also like to bring to your attention this blog;

Snow Kiwi

Its the blog of Patti. My best friend/sister who lives in Indonesia. She's amazing. So is her blog. Check it out <3

Im longing for a few things right now. Cashmere sweaters, red gloves, snow. Winter. Lots of people would probably be mad/think im crazy for being excited about winter. Its just right now, its the season i feel most connected to. 

Im going to do my daily (but not quite) thing now. Sorry, im just tired and inspiration is running a little low.

Sunday

Starting time~ 7:00 pm

Mood~ sleepy, thirsty, hungry, day-dream-y

Outside my window~ grey-blue sky 

I'm thinking~ i want to watch 'Its a Wonderful Life'

I'm currently reading~ still The Circle: the complete volumes of Black, Red, White & Green. By: Ted Dekker

I'm listening to~ Shelter -Birdy

I'm wearing~ black sweat pants and a periwinkle t-shirt

I'm looking forward to~ Christmas. Winter

I'm hoping~ i can make popcorn and tea

Yesterday I~ didnt really do anything :p

I'm hungry for~ fries.

The song stuck inside my head is~ Shelter -Birdy

I love~ blankets, sweaters, tea, honey, friends, family, old movies. 

I loathe~ feeling sick, sweating perpetually, lack of nourishment when im starving 0.O

This week, my goal is~ umm... idk :P nothing really. when i think of something i'll add it. 

Did I meet last week's goal? nope :/ but i did blog alot more than usual. 

Ending time~ 7:15 pm



I must leave now my sweets. Have a lovely day. Until next time,


~aven


watch something retro,
drink a cup of tea,
listen to Birdy,
love vintage clothing.

Its always darkest before the dawn.

But what about darkness that lasts for a really long time? Like, months. And months. And months. What about that? Can the dawn really be right there around the corner? Or did something happen that just permanently turned out the lights. Can certain situations really become hopeless? Im starting to wonder.

In the book im reading, something did turn everything black. Knowledge was sought with innocence, but the seeker was also naive of the situation. Naive to a fault. His kingdom crumbled with his first bite of the evil fruit. That which had promised him wisdom, brought death. Pain. Ruin. The sky turned black with the forces of the enemy. What was once sacred, marred with sin. Then there was fighting. And anger and evil. Brought into a peaceful world that knew not of such things. Ruin.

So i wonder, if the darkness can last so long, when is the dawn? Months more away? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Years?

Or is it me. Am i choosing to hold the heavy cloak of darkness over the light? In my desperation for answers. For instant gratification. Have i closed my eyes and turned my back to the horizon from whence the dawn will come? Am i running forever away from the east in my anxious search for the dawn? Away from the sunrise? Worse still, do i know i am?

I just want a breakthrough. You cant fake breakthroughs. I know. Ive tried to create them before. It doesnt work. Ive had one before and it was honestly miraculous. I want one again. So badly. But ive the feeling that IM the one keeping myself from one. But i dont know how and i dont know why. And its SO frustrating.

I know that things like that come when im at the bottom of a freefall. Into despair and hopelesness. Thats when i begin to truly seek answers. But i dont WANT to have to get to that point. I dont want to break again. I want to catch myself. Stop falling and reach up when i first slip. Not just wait stupidly until i hit the bottom. Thats like falling off a cliff into a gorge and only calling for help once you hit the rocks at the bottom. Stupid.

So i guess my job is to seek that i might find. Wish me luck with that. Its not easy to do that when you feel boiling turmoil inside at literally everything.

~aven

'since the return from her stay on the moon, she talks like spring and she acts like June' -Train, Drops of Jupiter 

Hey guys, 

So ive already broken my goal to write every day this week, but Im writing MUCH more often which was the plan so that's good, don't you think? 

I'm at my old school right now, sitting in the hall while my mom is in a Parent Information night. Its funny how a place looks so different when you come back after so long. It's TINY here. Well at least compared to my huge high school.

I am obsessed with a song right now. It's called 'Begin Again' and it's Taylor Swift's newest release! I'm so excited for her CD, Red. It's coming out on October 22nd!! But I'm not going to buy it right away. It's going on my Christmas wish list. 

Speaking of Christmas, I've been bitten by the winter bug. I want sugar cookies and Christmas trees. Sparkly lights and snow, snow, snow! London Fog's and garlands of holly. Popcorn and cozy movies nights. Blankets and boots and snowy scarfs. See what I mean? I'm so excited. I've even started listening to Christmas music 24/7 and I'm going to start decorating my room this weekend. That may be crazy, (it IS only September) but I don't care. I'm ahead of the times ;) 

So im in love with vintage clothing. I'm going to blame my Auntie Meeka for having so many adorable HOMEMADE vintage dresses and blouses and petticoats and skirts. Sigh. To own such clothing. 


I actually have a dream. A dream of Christmas with a deep green velvet dress. Floor length. Ivory bow. Shiny buttons up the front. And my mid length hair, curled into large waves and pulled back with a bow to match the dress. My my. Such a dream. 

I must depart dear ones, for the iPad is dying as is my back from sitting on a school floor for the past hour. Until next time,

~Aven 

Kiss a frog,
Drink some tea,
Love amazing Aunties,
Cuddle in your pjs.

'They all seemed to function in it, but to say they controlled it would be wrong. The chaos controlled THEM.' -Ted Dekker, White


I loved that quote. Read it and thought it was so fantastic, that now I'm planning to design a poster with it. 

So me and my mom are currently loving a show. You've probably heard of it. Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo? Yeah. Haters gon' hate. But really it's not fair to hate them. What have they done to deserve any of the meaness people shove at them? I mean REALLY? Besides, they're hilarious. I love em. A quote from little Alana? 'if I don't talk with my mouth full when am I goona talk?' needless to say we laughed at that one. And many more. So hey! Give them a shot. 

Sorry about the cryptic post yesterday. I was upset about a couple things and just feeling kinda low. But things are looking up. I'm about to begin a few new courses which will be nice. I want to blast through schoolwork this year. Just get it OVER with, you know? 

Anyways, me and Dana have decided to join together and fundraise. I need money. There's a lot of expensive things I would like and partially need. So yeah. A fundraising we will go!

Guys, I need to run. My phone is dying and I'm talking to my best friend. Let's all wish her a speedy recovery by the way. Shes home sick <3 feel better Patti! <3

Ok I really gotta go. Love y'all,

~Aven 

the path on which i walk holds the stones on which i stumble.

Random post title today. I made it up and decided it sounded cool. Anyways,

Its Saturday! Well, late Saturday night. And if today is Saturday, tomorrow, by law of common sense, is Sunday. Ah, Sunday. What a conflicting day of the week.

I miss Maple Ridge. Still. Alot. I want roller derby and my family there and cuddly dogs and rainy days. Winter will be my friend this year. I need a good excuse to cuddle under a blanket and watch the snowfall and forget about the world. And im excited for the cold. For tea and popcorn and apple cidar. Christmas trees and holly wreaths. Music.

Call me crazy but my Christmas music is already out and being listened to. Its my way of relaxing. Even if i am four months early in the theme.

*warning. Venting of strong emotions may occur in the following paragraph. Reader skipping the following is advised if one is strongly evoked by long anger-releasement*

Im doing intensive research on getting a phone right now. Because i cant use the one i have anymore. Its on my dads work plan. But you know, i totally saw this coming. Ive known i would need my own plan the whole time. And a GOOD plan at that. Because i need a phone for texting and social networking and thats about it. Yes to call my parents every once in awhile but data is extremely important. Unfortunatly it doesnt look like i can get a plan and a phone without selling everything i own. Not cool. I need to be able to keep in touch with my best friend and that means having internet access. Not to mention the friends i have left here. Everyone communicates with cell phones and computers now and thats just the way it is. I cant sink deeper into the pit of loser because i dont have any friends because i dont have a phone.

*excuse the venting of frustrations*

So. I need to go now so i can get home and get to sleep and wake up tomorrow WITHOUT black circles under my eyes. Also i need clarity of mind to force myself out the door. Because quite honestly i want to run in the opposite direction (which literally means the coat closet and figuratively means not leaving the house)

Goodnight. Bless you, who-ever you are, for reading my jumbled around thoughts on here. Excuse the eclectic theme of this blog. Im eclectic. It shows in here.

Grab some hope,
Find a sparkle,
Live today brave,
And for the sake of your hands and knees; dont spill large sodas on the carpet...

~aven

'Oh the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable' 

There's my quote of the day...week...month? Haha. Anyways, there you have it. I heard it a few months ago and some things just seem to stick in my brain. I don't mind. Makes for good thought processing. 

So, i'm home! Don't know if i mentioned that last time but i'm pretty sure i didn't. Vacation was great. I love traveling and this was probably the most memorable trip i've been on. You have no idea how many times i wanted to pull out my phone or ipod to snap a picture of where i was or what i was doing... and then decided against it. Memories are one thing, but sometimes i just want to remember myself. I dont NEED a picture because i can see it clearly in my mind. And the places i saw... so many beautiful, BEAUTIFUL places. I sat under a huge tree in Jasper, surrounded by mountains and people and fudge store and coffee shops. Alone and observing as the wind swept my hair from side to side. So many memories. So many images. All in my mind. And thats the way i like it. Because really, i want to feel the moment. I want to just feel.  Not think all the time. 

Some interesting concepts have been fluttering around in my mind lately. And some confliction's as well. I see some people, and i think that i would like to be their friend. But sometimes i just cant. Because of obvious or not so obvious reasons. And that frustrates me. Because its like, WOW. I have SO MUCH in common with you. We could be great friends. But this one little thing keeps us from it. This one, tiny little reason. I tell you, its enough to drive one mad sometimes. How can so many things be drawing us together, but one little detail be the wall keeping us seperate? keeping us hostile at times? 

My hands smell like strawberries. Well, strawberry lotion. Just thought i'd mention that. Because we all wanted to know. 

I'd best be on my way now, i have friends to text and research to do. Adieu avant demain!

~aven

Friday

Starting time~ 3:46 pm

Mood~ energetic, happy

Outside my window~ colorful autumn trees and chilly breezes

I'm thinking~about my next blog post

I'm currently reading~ The Circle: the complete volumes of Black, Red, White & Green. By: Ted Dekker

I'm listening to~ Soundtracks from Braveheart, The Last of the Mohicans and Gladiator.

I'm wearing~ black yoga pants and my blue tshirt

I'm looking forward to~ Supper :d and seeing Dana

I'm hoping~ i get to watch Gladiator soon :P 

Yesterday I~ did my school work, dusted, umm... ate popcorn and read my old journal xD

I'm hungry for~ the food i can smell from the kitchen 0.O

The song stuck inside my head is~ Promentory~ The Last of the Mohicans 

I love~ Epic soundtracks, talking to Patti :) sleeping all cozy-like under my canopy and puffy blankets, napping, Maple Ridge <3, my auntie Meeka <3

I loathe~ sleeping in and missing half the day :I (i didnt, i just hate when i do), feeling sick when im nervous

This week, my goal is~ urm..... blog every day :I

Did I meet last week's goal? i didnt do this last week. 

Ending time~ 4:49 pm

Ponderings

If you had asked me say,...three weeks ago, where home is, my answer would have been Yellowknife. Very simply, no questions asked. Yellowknife is where I as born. It's where I grew up. It's where I lost my first tooth and got my first pet. It's where I live. It's where my grandparents live. Very plainly, it is my home.

And then I left it. And this time, I didn't cry. "I'll be back" the words echoed in my thoughts as I waved goodbye to my mom and blew a kiss out the window. There was no need to be sad. No need to mourn. So I smiled instead. And we drove. And my excitement seemed to grow with each mile. And dreams of the adventures I would have filled my mind. And I was happy. And content.

'And so the days went on as they tend to do, and the evening dusk turned to morning dew, and a young girl smiled, and a young girl flew, and she loved her adventures and she loved the new.'

We arrived in Vernon, and I saw my grandmother again. And with her my Great Grandmother, and I felt blessed. And before I knew it, we were off again. Off to the West Coast. Off to cousins and family. And again, my soul was overflowed with the feeling of hope and excitement. With adventures untold.

And we found our way, we found their house. We loved and were loved. And I was content. And I learned more and had more adventures.

We floated down a river together, swept away by the currents pull. My cousin, Brinn and i. And i thought I might die and the water was so strong, so much STRONGER than I. But the terror was joy and and gasps turned to laughter. And we made it. And we smiled.

And we went to the school. Though classes had yet to begin. And my Auntie talked and my cousins played. But one, second eldest in that family, Elke. She and I, we talked and we threw rocks. And we went to the field and there was the great tree. The beautiful tree. And the mountains in the far distance. And the wind was gentle and strong. And the branches lazily shook. And the sun shone upon us. And we smiled and we ran. And we leapt and we flew and we caught the falling leaves. And we laughed so hard. And we yelled and we whispered and we gasped for breath and we inhaled the last few hints of summer, riding amoung the autumn leaves. And the leaves were like dreams, I pondered. And we were just two simple souls. One older, one younger, but the same. And we chased our dreams all over the field. Laughing at the way the wind caressed our loose hair. Exclaiming when we caught our so coveted dream. And the wind would stop and the tree stand still. And we just stood. At the foot of the tree. And we watched. Sometimes seconds passed, sometimes minutes. But it didn't matter because we were together. And i thought, how peculiar. Isn't this what life is? All of us, young and old. Strong and weak. Fast and slow. Standing together, at the base of a grand tree. Waiting for our dreams to fall so we might chase them. And we don't catch them all, and some are out of our reach. But still we chase, and if one escapes, we stand and await another. And the seconds are like days and the minutes like years, but we are all doing the same thing. We stand. We watch. Some leaves fall and we may glance at them, but we know our dreams. And when we see them we run. And when we catch them we rejoice. Much like me and my dear cousin did. Laughing and shouting and leaping for joy.

Even still, there were the days spent with my Aunt. And I've lived with them before, but this was different. Because i am older. And I understand more. And so i sat up with my aunt and my uncle, and we watched movies. And ate popcorn. And me and my Auntie would talk. And I truly found someone so like me. I don't know how many times she heard me say "i'm like that too!" but she was so good to me. And we laughed together and she never treated me like I was too young to hear things unless I was. And in those instances she would say "sweetie, it's just not something your sweet 15 year old self should hear" and I understood and I was slightly relieved. For to me, knowledge is wonderful and wisdom strength, but sometimes I ask things and I don't really want to hear the answer. But she knew what I didn't need to know, and what I could, and she was mindful of me but in such a loving way that I knew her intentions were for my good, and I didn't press for reasons.

My Auntie is fun. We made plans to skinny dipp together and although we didn't, it's just because of circumstances that arose and not because we didn't mean it when we made plans. My parting words to her were "well we didn't go skinny dipping so I guess we'd better just do it next time." and we laughed and it's our secret plan that I know we'll make happen sometime.

Being with her, and getting to know her and discovering how alike we are just made saying goodbye that much more difficult. And that time I did cry. Because this is family. Family far away, but family nonetheless. And I cried because we are SO far away. And I still cry because I miss them. And she says she cannot go into my room there yet. And it makes my heart hurt that she's hurting like me. And it's like within a few weeks I found people to love unconditionally that love me just as much. And it's so surreal. And it hurts.

And now I'm going home. Far away. So far. Farther. And I don't want to. But I do. I want to go home. But I want to go back. Because now, that's my home too.

That awkward moment when you have nothing to do and you're home alone.